Shays Dayz: Your I.T. Expert ...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Your I.T. Expert ...

Aha! You thought I was referring to I.T. - as in "Information Technology". (Oh, so that's what I.T. stands for)!

No. I'm actually referring to something much closer to you. Ingrown Toenails!

Now why in the world would I want to talk about Ingrown Toenails? I'll tell you. But first:

Did you know that if you trim your toenails too short, particularly on the sides of your big toes, you may set the stage for an ingrown toenail? That's right!

And did you know that the most common cause for "I.T." is tight shoe wear or improper grooming or trimming of the nail?

Yep. I'll bet you're really glad I enlightened you on that most fascinating subject!

So. "Now", you ask, "what is she getting at"? Ahhh...you know me well!

How do I say this so that it doesn't come out wrong? I am, after all, quite adept at putting my foot in my mouth!

Well, I guess all I want to say is that too many times, the only people we really interact with are our fellow Christians.

Don't get me wrong. I love fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ!

But I know it is easy to get an "Ingrown Toenail" -spiritually and emotionally speaking - when we are so tight in our relationships with each other, that we don't leave room for the rest of the world!

Tight shoes, if you remember, was one of the precursors to Ingrown Toenails.

Tomorrow, I will attempt to further enlighten you as to the second reason for I.T. After all, I am...

Your I.T. Expert...

2 comments:

Clint said...: Nice post!---check out my blog from 9-23-10. You make me laugh.; February 1, 2011 at 8:58 AM
Sharon said...: Shay - You crack me up! I love your lesson - don't be so tight that we leave no room for unbelievers. We are called to go "out" into the world - after all, that's the only place we can be salt and light!

GOD BLESS - and no more I.T.'s!!; February 1, 2011 at 1:10 PM

Life Truths

- Opportunities always look bigger when they've passed.

- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

- Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

The "But First" Syndrome

The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. There is an ailment many of us suffer from and many have not, as yet, been diagnosed. However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn't.

It's called the "But first...Syndrome." It's like when I decide to do the laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I'm going to do the laundry - But first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. Okay, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack, But first I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where's the checkbook?

Oops! There's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook, But first I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away, But first I need to water those plants.

Head for door and Ack! I stepped on the dog. The dog needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants. But first I need to feed the dog.

At the end of day: Laundry is not done, Newspapers are still on the floor, Glass is still in the sink, Bills are unpaid, Checkbook is still missing, The dog ate the remote control. AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled, because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious....and I should get help, But first I think I'll read all my e-mail.

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the
game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end
in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.

WHATEVER

It's a woman's way of saying I don't THINK so!!!

TIME OFF WORK...

Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.

"How do you think you will do that?" said the other workers.

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.

"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The other worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? "Home. I can't work in the dark".

CELL PHONE vs. BIBLE

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Newspapers Explained...

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't understand the Washington Post.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it

Some say "Jokes"...Others say "Groaners".

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, "Chris, what happened today to upset you so?"

He answered, "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go to the library."

His mother became very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to go to the library?"

With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go to the library you have to have "supervision", and I wear glasses!"

--------

I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag.

After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?"

I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."

--------

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "Well .... the light was on..."

Important Things to Know

1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

4. Life is sexually transmitted.

5. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

6. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

7. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

8. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

9. Get the last word in: Apologize.

10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Words of wisdom from children...

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14

4. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. -Taylia, 11

5. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. - Andrew, 9

6. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9

7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, 9

8 . If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. -Naomi, 15

9. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9

10. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10

"The Lord is my Shepherd..."

(by Max Lucado in his book "Traveling Light")

We humans want to do things our way. Forget the easy way. Forget the common way. Forget the best way. Forget God's way. We want to do things *our* way.

And according to the Bible, that's precisely our problem. "We all have wandered away like sheep; each of us has gone his own way" (Isa. 53:6).

You wouldn't think sheep would be obstinate. Of all God's animals, the sheep is the least able to take care of himself.

Sheep are dumb! Have you ever met a sheep trainer? Ever seen sheep tricks? Know anyone who has taught his sheep to roll over? Ever witnessed a circus sideshow featuring "Mazadon and his jumping sheep"? No. Sheep are just too dumb.

And defenseless. They have no fangs or claws. They can't bite you or outrun you. That's why you never see sheep as team mascots. We've heard of the St. Louis Rams and the Chicago Bulls and the Seattle Seahawks, but the New York Lambs? Who wants to be a lamb? You couldn't even stir up a decent yell for the cheerleaders.

"We are the sheep.
We don't make a peep.
Victory is yours to keep.
But count us if you want to sleep."

What's more, sheep are dirty. A cat can clean itself. So can a dog. We see a bird in a birdbath or a bear in a river. But sheep? They get dirty and stay that way.

Couldn't David (in Psalm 23) have thought of a better metaphor? Surely he could have. After all, he outran Saul and outgunned Goliath. Why didn't he choose something other then sheep?

How about:

"The Lord is my commander in chief, and I am his warrior." There. We like that better. A warrior gets a uniform and a weapon, maybe even a medal.

Or, "The Lord is my inspiration, and I am his singer." We are in God's choir; what a flattering assignment.

Or, "The Lord is my king, and I am his ambassador." Who wouldn't like to be a spokesperson for God?

Everyone stops when the ambassador speaks. Everyone listens when God's minstrel sings. Everyone applauds when God's warrior passes.

But who notices when God's sheep show up? Who notices when the sheep sing or speak or act? Only one person notices. The shepherd. And that is precisely David's point.

When David, who was a warrior, minstrel, and ambassador for God, searched for an illustration of God, he remembered his days as a shepherd. He remembered how he lavished attention on the sheep day and night. How he slept with them and watched over them.

And the way he cared for the sheep reminded him of the way God cares for us. David rejoiced to say, "The Lord is my shepherd," and in doing so he proudly implied, "I am his sheep."

Still uncomfortable with being considered a sheep? Will you humor me and take a simple quiz? See if you succeed in self-reliance. Raise your hand if any of the following describe you.

1) You can control your moods. You're never grumpy or sullen. You can't relate to Jekyll and Hyde. You're always upbeat and upright. Does that describe you? No? Well, let's try another.

2) You are at peace with everyone. Every relationship as sweet as fudge. Even your old flames speak highly of you. Love all and are loved by all. Is that you? If not, how about this description?

3) You have no fears. Call you the Teflon toughie. Wall Street plummets - no problem. Heart condition discovered - yawn. World War III starts - what's for dinner? Does this describe you?

4) You need no forgiveness. Never made a mistake. As square as a game of checkers. As clean as grandma's kitchen. Never cheated, never lied, never lied about cheating. Is that you? No?

Let's evaluate this. You can't control your moods. A few of your relationships are shaky. You have fears and faults. Hmmm. Do you really want to hang on to your chest of self-reliance? Sounds to me as if you could use a shepherd. Otherwise, you might end up with a Twenty-third Psalm like this:

"I am my own shepherd, I am always in need.
I stumble from mall to mall and shrink to shrink, seeking relief but never finding it.
I creep through the valley of the shadow of death and fall apart.
I fear everything from pesticides to power lines, and I'm starting to act like my mother.
I go down to the weekly staff meeting and am surrounded by enemies. I go home, and even my goldfish scowls at me.
I annoint my headache with extra-strength Tylenol.
My Jack Daniel's runneth over.
Surely misery and misfortune will follow me, and I will live in self-doubt for the rest of my lonely life."

Why is it that the ones who most need a shepherd resist him so?...Scripture says, "Do it God's way." Experience says, "Do it God's way." Every Scot in heaven begs. "Aye, laddie, do it God's way."

"Is God Showing Through Your Life?"

(Author Unknown)

A little girl, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the preacher's sermon this morning confused me."

The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?"

The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"

"Yes, that's true," the mother replied.

"He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?"

Again the mother replied, "Yes."

"Well," said the girl. "if God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn't He show through?"

I like that little girl's way of putting it. If God lives in us, then there's no way of keeping Him from "showing through." That's the essence of Christian living - living in such a way that people around will see God in our lives.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16).

Is God showing through in YOUR life?

BETTER THAN A HALLELUJAH

I love this song. My sister was the first person to tell me about Amy Grant. Since then, Amy has had ups and downs, trials and tribulations. She has experienced deep suffering, been misunderstood and even betrayed by people that were supposedly close to her. I feel her pain. Countless people do. So does God. Some people won't understand this song. If they are legalistic, they will be indignant. I like what one person said:

Some folks just need to CHILL OUT! Amy is awesome... this song is profound.. I think the message she is trying to convey is that we as humans being vunerable, honest, and naked before God is more meaningful and powerful than our forced or faked religious expressions

Amen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_pCr_Xrnc

Faithful, Focused, Patient

(By Rocky Henriques, www.timothyreport.com)

Jeff Wall, writing in Reader's Digest a few years ago, told that as a police officer he occasionally parked his cruiser in residential areas to watch for speeders. One Sunday morning he was staked out in a driveway, when he saw a large dog trot up to his car.

The dog stopped and sat just out of arm's reach. No matter how much Wall tried to coax him to come for a pat on the head, he refused to budge. After a few minutes, the officer decided to move to another location. As he pulled out of the driveway, Wall looked back and learned the reason for the dog's behavior. As soon as the police car moved, the dog quickly picked up the newspaper the car had been parked on and faithfully ran back to his master.

That's funny, but it also says to me that if a dog could be that focused and that committed to his assigned task, then shouldn't we also? To the dog, the task looked impossible: the paper was under the car and he couldn't get to it. But he didn't do what we so often do: when we are faced with "impossible" challenges many times we just turn and walk away, saying "Oh well, maybe we weren't meant to do that."

Perhaps today we could learn something from that dog. (1) He was faithful to do what his master expected of him; (2) he was focused on the assignment and let nothing, not even a pat on the head, distract him; and (3) he knew instinctively that the car didn't belong there, and would eventually move, so he patiently waited until that happened.

Here are the lessons for us today: (1) Our Master expects us to be His Body, fulfilling His commands and sharing His Gospel; (2) we should be focused on our assignment and not be distracted by other things that come along, however good they may be; and (3) we should know instinctively that this world is not our home, and be patient as we wait for that Great Day when Jesus will return.

When Jesus said, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching," that's about as clear as it could be said. No wiggle room. No reading between the lines. No loopholes.

So...is there a car parked on your newspaper?

YOUR AGE IN 2006... BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

Try it!!!

One step at a time, okay?

It takes less than a minute .

Work this out as you read ...

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go

out to eat.

(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .....

If you haven't, add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number

(I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

Your age in the year 2006.

Drink Plenty of Water!

(Author Unknown)

I've heard it. I've read it. As long as I have been running, it's always been the same message: "drink plenty of water."

All along most race courses are water stations, and most runners slow down to drink a cup of cool water. Keeping your water level up is critical when you run. If you get slightly dehydrated, you will not run well. If you get moderately dehydrated, you will become disoriented. If you get seriously dehydrated, you can die. It's serious business.

The first year I ran was 1991, and I was inexperienced (also younger, slimmer, stupider, etc.) I passed water stop after water stop, occasionally drinking a swallow or two. I felt good, and I wasn't going to waste precious seconds drinking water, even though it was a hot, humid day.

Big mistake. As I neared the final mile, I "hit the wall." My energy level dropped to zero, I began having to walk some, and I realized I would have to work hard just to finish. I did make it across the line, but only with a tremendous headache and hardly enough energy to walk. It was not much fun.

I learned an important lesson that year. Stopping for water doesn't actually slow you down. In fact, you will run a better race if you dodrink water. The bottom line is that your body is simply not designed to function without water.

In the same way, your spiritual stamina depends on stopping for regular drinks of "spiritual water." The dilemma for busy believers is finding time to invest in reading the Word and meeting with God in prayer. Like the runner intent on reaching the finish line, we tend to put off those regular drinks of water until we are totally parched.

But in the long run, you will run a better race if you will stop for spiritual water. In fact, finishing the Christian race at all may depend on it. And runners who don't ever slow down to take a drink often stumble off the course far short of the finish line.

In this year's race, I saw a man become dehydrated just a mile from the finish. Strangely, he didn't seem to recognize that anything was wrong. He was swaying from side to side as he walked, mumbling over and over, "I'm fine. I'm fine." He was so disoriented that he didn't even recognize his own sick condition.

If you let yourself become spiritually dehydrated, you may not even be able to recognize it. Stop today to drink some cool "living water." For serious runners, it's a must.

BIG ROCKS

One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz."

Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes."

Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"

By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"

No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good."

Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"

"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all." What are the 'big rocks' in your life? GOD should be first and foremost...then Your children; Your loved ones; Your education; Your dreams; A worthy cause; Teaching or mentoring others; Doing things that you love; Time for yourself; Your health; Your spouse; etc.

Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things you worry about that don't really matter, and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks).

So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.

Wise Sayings...

There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.

- People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

- Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

- If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

- In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

- The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

- Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

- You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Christmas With a Capital "C" !!!

"Christmas" has had various meanings throughout time and cultures. Our country embraced it and chose to focus on the birth of Christ. Some focused on Santa. Others have focused on other things. Originally, the Christians appropriated the much older pagan celebration of the return of the sun which brought with it more daylight. Perhaps Christians like myself like to think of Christmas as a representation of the birth of the "Son"...which the Bible refers to as the Light of the World. Nevertheless, I think the song in the link below, reflects a growing frustration among people who have chosen - for decades and decades - to embrace and celebrate the birth of Christ in the holiday we have long referred to as "Christmas". When people started prohibiting nativity scenes and replacing the words "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays", well...frustration grew and continues to grow. What do I have to say about it all?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8vhGYT4gyo

Can You Answer These Questions?

How do you know if you are out of invisible ink?

Why is there no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburgers, and neither apple nor pine in pinapple?

Why is a slim chance the same as a fat chance?

Why isn't phonetics spelled the way it sounds?

If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do, "practice"?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Scientists Make Stem Cells Without Harming Embryos

By using single cells plucked from human embryos, scientists have grown
human embryonic stem cells, which can turn into any other kind of cell
in
the body, while leaving the original embryo intact.

This new technique could potentially allow researchers to generate human
embryonic stem cells for therapies and further experiments while
avoiding
the highly controversial destruction of human embryos required to grow
the
cells the conventional way.

In addition, the method the scientists used to pluck cells out is
already
routinely practiced during in vitro fertilization to scan embryos for
genetic diseases. This procedure does not harm the embryo's further
development.

The researchers at Advanced Cell Technology at Worcester, Mass., coaxed
the
human embryonic stem cells to become a number of potentially therapeutic
cell types. These include blood vessel cells that could help mend hearts
after heart attacks, and eye cells "that could help rescue visual
function,"
cell biologist Robert Lanza, Advanced Cell Technology's vice president
of
research and scientific development, told LiveScience.

More research is needed to determine if these new embryonic stem cells
behave the same as other human embryonic stem cells, which
conventionally
are derived from a slightly later stage in embryonic development.

Lanza and his colleagues reported their findings online Aug. 23 via the
journal Nature.

(Charles Choi, Live Science.com, 8/23/06).