Thursday, September 8, 2011

People Pleasers -vs- People Lovers

Yep. That's me... a people pleaser. The thing is, I really do love people as well. Unfortunately, sometimes my people pleaser self over-rides my love of others.

Boy, I hate to say that. It's embarrassing to admit.

I'll back up a bit.

The other day, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to confront somebody that I really like. I consider this person my friend. She is very sensitive and thoughtful. It's fun talking with her. She's a good listener, but also asks thought provoking questions and interacts with me. When I talk with her it actually involves two way communication. What a thought!

Unfortunately, something important was missing from my house and she is one of only a few people that could have taken it.

When I discovered the missing item from my house, I assumed I had made a mistake. Perhaps I misplaced it or something.

I racked my brain trying to create a scenario that would explain the loss.

No go.


Unfortunately, after looking back at several red flags and discovering that other people were experiencing similar things from my friend, I realized I was going to have to confront the situation. Actually, I suppose one reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because in my heart, I know I'm not confronting a situation as much as I am confronting a person. A person I consider a friend. And the item that was stolen was not just any item. It was medication I needed for my health. The person in question knew it was necessary to prevent me from a serious health issue.

I hate confrontation. I don't even like to say the word. Even typing it isn't easy. Does that say anything about me?

But why was the idea so repulsive to me? Why was I so afraid of it? Why? I mean, seriously, it is really scary for me. It bothered me that I was so afraid to confront this situation that I was willing to ignore it altogether and turn my head like so many other people over the years have done.

If I am a true friend to her I will not allow her to yet again "get away" with something.
So why was I having such a difficult time?

Later that day, I saw a sign. It said:

"Contrary to what you may think, people - pleasers don't confront: people - lovers do"

As soon as I read that, my heart sank with a knowing feeling. I was allowing the people-pleasing side of me to overshadow my love of people when it came to my having to deal with confrontation.

Time for me to grow up and keep my focus on loving people instead of trying to please them.

Can anybody relate to ...

People Pleasers -vs- People Lovers?

1 comment:

Sharon said...

Shay - what a pleasure to see you in Blog Land again! I've been hoping that you were OK!

Boy, what a tough situation! I'm a people pleaser, too, and confrontation is not my forte. So, this particular situation would be exceptionally difficult for me. Especially since it involves not just a remark or situation, but a theft that could indicate an underlying problem (addiction??).

Loved your quote - and it reminded me that the Bible says blessed are the peacemakers - not the peacekeepers. Truth, spoken in love, is sometimes the very most loving thing to do.

Best of luck - and I'd love to know how this works out.

And, welcome back - missed you!