Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Does He Care About Our Despair?

I'm going to be frank with you. The past year was one of the most difficult years of my life. No, my husband and I have never been rich. We've been among the many people who find themselves right on the "border". We always made just a little too much to receive help when it came to any kind of financial aid or government assistance.

So, we sacrificed and told ourselves that we didn't have to own a house. We did't have to have a clothes budget. Would I have liked insurance? How many times did I wish I could go on a two week vacation? True, we couldn't have what others had but we dealt with that little reality and were okay with it. Somehow our needs would be provided...and God always took care of us.

Fast forward to today. Our financial security makes our previous years look like a piece of cake. Has God left us? No. But what He is allowing - or not allowing - in our lives makes the past look like a walk in the park.

On top of all that, I continue to deal with medical issues that I can do nothing about. Each day I wake up to yet another 16 hours of fighting despair, loneliness and pain as I go through another work day that requires an emotional energy and stamina that is beyond my capacity to deal with. Or so it seems. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a pointless prison.

The good news is that that is just what I feel like. The reality is that God has not left me. I refuse to get angry at Him because the circumstances around me are difficult. God knows what He is doing...or allowing. I know in my head that we shouldn't let feelings dictate our actions, but I can only apply that line of reasoning for so long before I'm spent!
So what does God think about all this?

Does He Care About Our Despair?

More about that tomorrow.

1 comment:

Anna said...

Hi Shays. Thank you for visiting my blog. I've really enjoyed reading through some of your posts. It's as if this one is written just for me and the challenging financial circumstances we are currently facing on a daily basis. I just have to remember that God is bigger than these and I have to throw myself on him knowing I can trust him. He hasn't let me down yet. And I believe he's teaching me and refining me all the time through what I go through, drawing me ever closer as a result. Blessings, Anna