Thursday, January 27, 2011

Love Switch...

I have something to say that is really, really difficult for me. I'm so afraid of people misunderstanding...so please hear me out. And please don't judge me. Some people may think I'm ridiculous for saying anything at all. But. Oh well.

I have a lot of love for people...but it isn't emotional. I want it to be...but I can't make myself feel the emotion of love. It's as if my "love switch" was broken a long time ago and never got repaired. For the life of me, I can't feel anything except sadness or pain of some kind.

I do experience times of happiness...just not the emotion of love that I have heard people say they feel deep in their hearts.

It's not all bad. I mean, if you were in a room with a gunman, you would eventually be glad I was with you because even though I can't feel the emotion of love...I would allow myself to take a bullet meant for you. So, I recognize that even though I can't feel anything - there is, nevertheless, a strong love that God put inside of me that I will, by faith, act on. But the emotion isn't there.

I feel very alone, but I suspect I'm not. If you feel like a part of you is "broken" please let me share with you two scriptures that continue to help me to this day.

Psa 34:18 says, The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Psa 147:3 says, He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds.

God loves us. He loves you. If you are broken in any way, He will heal you. He's actually closer to you than you would have ever imagined. And He is working. He will bind up the broken part of you. He is the best physician any one could possibly hope for.

He began the healing process with me when I asked Him into my life. The wounds were deep and He understood them like nobody else could. He started out by loving me. Then He gave me an incredibly loving husband as well as loving kids...that aren't kids anymore! He knew that I needed to be loved in a demonstrative way, before my heart could feel love.

It's not really that unusual. What is the scripture? We love Him because He first loved us. 1Jo 4:19

Maybe it won't be long before He has completed the healing of my...

Love Switch...

6 comments:

Clint said...

I will say a prayer right now for you. I don't think I understand exactly what you have described, but I know that you feel something is amiss.

God bless you.

Michelle said...

I love reading your blog.
You are so honest.

Looking forward to more.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Shay -

I think everyone has areas where they cannot feel. You've obeyed the scripture to love even without the feeling. Emotions come and go. They're nice, but not critical to love.

Blessings,
Susan :)

Sharon said...

Shay - How incredibly honest of you to share this. I will definitely pray for you. That in some way God will break into your heart, and allow you to FEEL the emotion of love. But I applaud your OBEDIENCE to the call of love - and I know that the feelings will follow in God's perfect timing.

GOD BLESS!

Susan Marlene said...

Greetings Shay, I have experienced some desert times where the feelings are not there but I had choice and I saw great results from the right choices. I believe that as you seek God He will take care of healing anythng broken in your heart. He loves you so and appreciates your faithfulness. Keep moving foward and spend some carpet time - time with your face in the carpet in prayer. Be still and know that He is God!! Bask in His precious love for you for He loves you sooo!! Thank you for sharing your honest heart!

Kerrie said...

Dear Shay, I saw a comment of yours on Sharon's blog, which touched my heart. So here I am, to say G'day from the east coast of Australia. You have a beautiful and very informative BlogSpot. My eyes have been going left and right reading as much as I can before I need to go out for a bit. It is a wonderful that you write speaking from your heart about your true inner feelings. I know you know what the greatest love of all is, and you have written about it here. You would give your life, to save another. As I read that, my nose got that tingly feeling you get before tears come to the front of your eyes. Beautiful! Take care and God Bless. With love and care from Kerrie. xOx